I was watching the news last night and they were talking about love and how hard/easy it is to find. They had the author Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote “eat, pray, love” and her new book about relationships and commitment called “committed”. I have not read these books, but my next book will be Eat, pray, love.
This got me thinking about relationships, and what I have always preached to my friends and family is that n o matter how hard it is to find love; it’s harder to keep it. Most people assume that once you have ‘caught’ that great man, that’s it no more work is needed. No no that is just where the all the hard work begins are. For me a great relationship consists of communication, trust, and intimacy (I don't mean just sex, more on that in a min).
If I ever get aggravated with N, or feel like he is not listening or is doing something that bothers me, I always tell him, and I tell him to tell me too. If I don't know what bothers him, how can I fix the problem, or solve it? Same goes for him. I can't expect him to read my mind. We both have to be looking in the same direction in life for our paths to be consistent, he can't want one thing and I want another, there is no way our relationship will work , if I want to live in Vermont while he wants to move back to Serbia...get my point? :)
Trust....oh the BIG T word! Every magazine covers has something about trust, how to trust your man, how to know if he is cheating, is he trustworthy blah blah blah, it’s enough to make you scream! Why would you be with someone if you had any doubt that he would go behind your back and cheat? When I met N, I told him right away, I will never cheat, if I ever feel like this relationship is not working, or I have any doubt in my mind about you and me, I will tell you, but I will never go behind your back. And I expect the same from him...I'd rather you tell me I am having feelings for someone else, so I can pack my bags and move on instead of you cheating and then telling me. If you have doubts about your partner, how can the relationship be the best it can be? There will always be that little voice that is saying...but what if? I think it would be difficult to have a long and happy relationship with this doubt.
Intimacy!!! WOOHOOO...now I am not just talking about sexual intimacy, of course that is important, each partner should be willing to give and receive. But what I am most refereeing to is the simple intimate acts such as holding hands, kissing, cuddling. There is something so magical about giving or receiving a gentle kiss from N, I look forward to those more than any other kiss...these kisses seem to say I love you....and always will. Since day 1 I have not gone to bed without holding N's hand, and I believe this makes our relationship stronger, intimacy connect you and your partner in a special way, it’s a special bond only you 2 share,...it’s like your own private secret.
Things happen in relationship that will test them, in my 3 short years with N 2 major things come to mind, and I could not imagine dealing with these issues without him. 1.5 years ago I witnessed the death of a loved one, my mom was away in Europe when this happened and it was me and my sister there, at this time BF and I were long distance, as soon as I called him at 5am crying, he didn’t even ask what, he got in the car and drove 4 hours to me. He stayed with me for the funeral; and a few days after until he had to go back to work. I had to be the rock for my family during this time because my mom couldn’t get a flight back right away. N was my rock...
A few months after this traumatic event, I had an emotional breakdown, everything came crumbling down, and my rock barrier had been broken. I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder brought on by a traumatic event (I will write a post about this at a later date)...I do not wish this world wind of thoughts and emotions on anyone! I was a complete mess...N took care of me, he took me to my Dr appointments, my group meetings, he comforted me at night when I would wake up screaming or crying...he made me feel safe. We have seen each other at our best and at our worst, and it’s for that reason I have no doubt in my mind, along with our communication, trust and intimacy that we will make it all the way.
Relationships should always be a work in progress, just like being DR new medications, diseases appear every day, and the DR needs to learn about these. That is how a relationship should be, things will come up, things will change, stuff will happen but I believe that if a relationship has these 3 key elements it will prevail and flourish to something even more amazing then you ever thought it could be.
